Home > Film, Humor > R.E.M. Said it Best

R.E.M. Said it Best

Since I was a kid I’ve been fascinated with end of the world scenarios. It’s been a fear of mine for as long as I can remember and if you think that’s stupid, I’m told it’s completely rational. I don’t know how it will go down. Anybody’s guess is as good as mine. However I do know it WILL go down.

My fear isn’t to die from a nuke going off in my back yard. I know what you’re thinking “Jacob, isn’t all the death the worst part of the coming apocalypse?” and my answer is “No, my friend. No it is not.” My fear is surviving in the wasteland because the unprepared end up as one of two things: food or sex slaves. And let’s just say I don’t have enough meat on my bones to feed many.

 

Option A

 

Option B (And being that I'm not buff like this dude, I'll look even more rediculous in the metal-studded undies.)

 

So get prepared now unless you want to wind up as dinner for a gay leather-clad motorcycle gang or the girlfriend of their Lord Humongous. Once again I know what you’re thinking, “Jacob, what’s with all the homophia?” and my reply is “Don’t judge me! They’re the ones who named their gang of eccentric marauders the gayboys.” And don’t get me started on Wez and his lover, The Golden Youth whose love was tragically cut short by Feral Boy’s boomerang of death.

Poor Golden Youth. We hardly knew you.

If you’re completely lost right now, go watch Mad Max 1 and 2. Feel free to pass on the third though. It’s pretty terrible. If you really want to know how bad the post-apoc wasteland is, wait until you finally realize the most stand-up guy is Mel Gibson.

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Categories: Film, Humor
  1. April 12, 2011 at 5:31 pm

    This must keep going, write! more! right? moor?

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